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DEPS X ANXIES

by EZZYLAND

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about

Meaning behind the music:

1. hello mtv welcome to my crib - theres one more meaning to the word crib. my dad always uses the phrase "dont crib". turns out the word here means to complain/grumble/whine. so the name satirically suggests the narrative tone of the whole album.

2. waves of desolation- destroyed relationships/ties with everyone ive ever known but i remain in the same environments. as a result these environments no longer feel familiar. truly alone in an empty world. this track has elements of south indian music.

3. park in the handicap spot - refers to being helpless/requiring helping hands because this world fails to see me in the way i wish them to see me.
essentially its about feeling hopeless and crippled and just riding the wave.

4. bleeding scrotum - it's a metaphor for masturbation. hear me out - i used to do it a lot. just to get rid of loneliness/depression but mostly anxiety. i used to. no longer a chronic.

5. robo ninja samurai warrior - pure angst. me against the world. like anyone else, i too am unhappy about the state of things in this world. everyone has a tipping point beyond which they lose their composure. it is the only rock song on the album. i enjoyed playing pretty piano loops on this track like in a couple other parts of the album.

6. sleeping with the lights on - i have really bad sleeping habits. i sleep during the day and stay awake all night because every night without fail i have multiple nightmares. so i literally sleep with the lights on. even now i have nightmares everyday.

7. sitting disease - this is actually a term loosely used to descirbe a sedentary lifestyle. i had nothing to do offline, i barely even talked to my family outside of my room. so i just sat in my chair all day everyday. depression and anxiety continued pushing me into a deeper and deeper slump every passing day. i gained over 20 kilos of weight and i wouldnt shower on the regular and i wouldnt talk to anyone and i became unhealthy af and i damaged my liver from being overweight and i developed weak bones and lost a lotta muscle all while becoming more and more unhealthy mentally. pretty piano on this track too. kinda reminds you of bobby mcferrin's "dont worry be happy" doesnt it? ironic.

8. flip the pillow and its cold again - has to do with getting myself outta this slump with no one's help. just like you would flip your pillow at night by yourself. where i live, the concept of mental health is relatively new. we dont have prescription pills. our parents dont really take adhd, depression or anxiety as seriously as illnesses. so we just gotta understand that life goes on and we'll have to deal with it ourselves and it's what makes us. so one day, i just woke up and i decided "i will no longer be a sad loser piece of shit.
i will do the only thing i can do in life - that is to try my best to be me."

9. liquid breathing /// ego death - the last thing my grandpa said to me was "send me some of your music i want to listen". now he was from a different age so he doesnt know theinternet and souncloud like we do. he passed away without being able to ever hear any of my stuff. the pace of the track is a peaceful passage into afterlife. the song doubles as a slow alarm. basically, in the album's narrative, i finally wake up from this nightmare. taking deep breaths to calm myself down. this whole album was a nightmare.

and as you probably know, "DEPS X ANXIES" stands for depression and anxiety. the tagline for the album reads "to my two best friends - deps and anxies". if feels like theyve always been there for me. so the album is dedicated to them.

credits

released July 3, 2017

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about

EZZYLAND Chennai, India

music producer • bopstar • cgi artist • engineer •

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